Anguish
by Talitha Kumi
Summary: It was supposed to be a simple drug bust. A quick end to a long case. But then everything had gone wrong...terribly, terribly wrong.
1. Click

Summary: It was supposed to be a simple drug bust…but then everything had gone wrong. Terribly, terribly wrong.

Disclaimer: NCIS is the property of CBS. I do not own any of the characters. Any likeness or resemblance to people, real or factious is unintentional. Fair warning. I am a poor college student. If you sue me you'll put more into your lawyer than you'll ever get out of me.

It was supposed to have been a simple drug bust. Quick and easy. Nothing they hadn't done before. But then things never really turn out how you plan them. Things are rarely what they seem. Especially in her profession.

There was an almighty bang as Gibbs kicked in the door.

Adrenaline pounding through her system, she followed the rest of her team into the dark warehouse, gun sweeping shadowy recesses, just as she had done countless times before.

The large warehouse had seemed empty, the only evidence that they were in the right place, was the thousands of kilos of methamphetamine's, neatly packed, and stacked in wooden crates.

Then the shooting started. The enemy swept into the room from the other side of the building, while still others materialized out of the shadows and small offices that lined a sky walk.

They had walked right into an ambush. Of course they would have. The marine Special Forces man, that they were looking for, would have figured out they were coming. He would have laid the trap.

Bullets whizzed through the air taking two agents from another team, before the rest had time to find cover and return fire. They were surrounded and taking fire from all sides. Things did not look good.

She looked over making eye contact with Gibbs. He nodded towards her making sharp, military gestures with his hands, he indicated that she and Tony were to make their way to the sky walk and clear it while he and McGee cleared the other. If they didn't the enemy would keep them pinned here and pick them off one by one.

Nodding she motioned to her partner, who was crouched behind two crates, and started moving. Knowing instinctively he would be right behind her. He was always right behind her. Always watching her back.

They ran, under Gibbs, and McGee's covering fire, to the north stairwell, taking the steps two at a time. Bullets ricocheted off the metal banister as the enemy from across the way and from above tried to pick them off.

Then just as suddenly they were clear of the stairwell. Bullets roared from her gun as she shot first one man then another. Across the way a man fell from the adjacent walkway, picked off by Tony who was now providing cover fire for Gibbs and McGee while she covered him.

Her heart pounded, adrenaline surging she pressed against the wall, so that she was partially covered by a support beam, and fired down the walkway, covering Tony. Then suddenly he was next to her shouting in her ear, "Boss and McGee are up. Let's go."

Nodding they moved together one covering the other as they cleared the first two rooms.

Down below the agents from two other teams were engaged in a brutal firefight against the drug ring.

She could hear shouting from down below and across the way but couldn't hear what they were saying.

Then suddenly there was a huge boom that shook the walkway and the whole building, sending the two agents to their knees.

Ziva was the first to scramble back up, to see what had happened. Below several agents lay unmoving on the floor, having been thrown back, and possibly killed by the blast. She could see the tell tail signs of a fragmentation grenade that had been thrown.

Swearing she trained her gun down on the enemy and fired. She had to give those agents time to recover.

Just behind her Tony was on his knees, one ear bleeding, looking dazed.

"Are you okay!" she shouted over the noise, cringing as a bullet hit the railing right in front of her.

She got no reply.

His eyes moved past her and slowly, like as if he was in water he raised his gun and fired two shots killing the man that had been coming up behind her.

She whirled, taking her eyes off the fight below, before turning back to him. He had just saved her life. As he had done numerous times. He just smiled a little at her, and struggled to get to his feet.

She was moving to help him, when she saw four men running up the stairs from below.

For half a second everything seemed to slow down. She could see the men's faces; see the intent in their eyes. She could hear Tony's breathing, strangely loud, and harsh in her ears. She knew instantly what she must do.

Time unfroze and she moved. Pushing Tony out of the way, protecting her partner, protecting her friend.

The first two men dropped. Her bullets claimed them.

Then the most dreadful sound. *click* she was out of ammo.

"Tony! Gun!" she yelled holding a hand behind her as the last two men surged past their fallen comrades. He blinked and held it out to her.

Her fingers had just closed over it when the first bullet passed through her.

The breath exploded from her and she stumbled.

For a moment their eyes met, and she tried to convey all that she felt in those brief milliseconds.

Then she was twisting, a cry erupting from her as she lifted his gun, firing.

A second bullet tore through her shoulder knocking her backwards.

She was falling. But she couldn't let them come. She couldn't let them win.

Falling backwards now, she switched the gun to her other hand, shooting as she fell. She had no idea if she hit them or not, all's she knew was that she had to keep squeezing the trigger.

She couldn't let them get to him.

Then a third impact. She knew she was done. She hit the cold steel of the sky-walk, the impact knocking what little wind she had out of her.

In an act of finality she fired three last shots between her knees, at the stairs, killing the man who had shot her. Numb she let her arm fall to the side. Let the gun slip from her fingers. Her eyes found his and she reached out for him. She felt his fingers close around hers and knew nothing more.


	2. Covering You

Summary: It was supposed to be a simple drug bust….but then everything had gone wrong. Terribly, terribly wrong.

Disclaimer: NCIS is the property of CBS. I do not own any of the characters. Any likeness or resemblance to people, real or factious is unintentional. Fair warning. I am a poor college student. If you sue me you'll put more into your lawyer than you'll ever get out of me.

The steady beep of the heart monitor was the only noise that filled the room.

It mocked him, even as it mocked the life that lay in the hospital bed next to him.

_I should have been covering you_

It wasn't the first time the thought had come to his mind. It wasn't the first time he had wished for a different result. Something other than this.

Watching her life trickle away minute by minute.

The doctors said she had a chance. He knew they were only humoring him.

After all, how could she?

His eyes told him otherwise. He had seen injuries like this before. He knew….he knew all too well…. You didn't just bounce back from these sorts of things no matter how desperately you wanted to.

It would be a miracle if she even woke up, much less recovered.

_I should have been covering you_

He was unused to seeing her this way. Strong, capable ZIva David; fearless in the face of any enemy, capable of taking on the world. Now…a shell… of what she used to be.

She seemed so fragile…so small. He hated seeing her weak….. This helpless

It frightened him. Her strength was one thing he admired about her. Ziva never accepted defeat. She certainly wasn't accepting it now. She was fighting the inevitable. Fighting what should never have happened, if he had just been doing his job. Covering her.

With one hand he reached up, his fingers brushed his gauze covered ear.

At least the ringing had stopped. They said the percussion from the grenade had ruptured his eardrum. Not that he much cared. For this, and because he couldn't deal with a little blood coming from his ear, his partner, his friend, had been shot.

Because of him, the woman he loved now lay in a hospital, barely hanging on.

The doctors said her vest had protected her from the worst. It had deflected one of the shots completely, sending it through her arm, instead of her chest.

But Tony had seen the x-rays…. He could see the gauze under her hospital gown….he could still feel her blood as it poured through his fingers. Him helpless to do anything about it…. He knew without being told… her injuries were severe.

_I should have been covering you_

Someone came and someone left, they didn't say a word. They didn't have too. They simply dropped a bag at his elbow. They knew he wouldn't move.

He hadn't so far. Not in the three days that he had sat by her side.

It didn't surprise him the, that they brought him food. Hoping to coax him to eat something.

But how could he eat when his partner was being fed through tubes.

Occasionally one of them would come and sit awhile. They would try and speak to him. Talk him into going home. Getting rest. Doing something.

It wasn't that they didn't care about her. It's just that they had already accepted what his mind refused too. They had accepted that they might lose her.

He couldn't bear to.

But their words meant nothing to him. He just sat watching the machines breath for her. Waiting and wishing and hoping, probably vainly, for the day she would breathe on her own.

He had to hope. It was the only thing that kept him going in the light of his failure. Failing to cover her.

He remembered her after Somalia. She had been hurt then. Weak. But she had stood on her own two feet.

He remembered admiring her as she walked into the NCIS building. Head held high. Unafraid. Unashamed.

He knew then she was made of tougher stuff then he was.

He certainly didn't think he could do such a thing if he had been beat within an inch of his life.

But she had.

Because she was stronger than he was.

Underneath the veneer he had seen her pain though. Seen her anguish. Seen her hurt.

He had saved her from that. Saved her and helped heal her, in his own way. Tiny things. Small gestures.

Now she had repaid the favor.

She had saved him.

He wished she hadn't.

He would rather be dead than alive with the knowledge that he had failed to protect her. Failed to keep her safe.

_I should have been covering you. _He thought.

The heart monitor beeped.


	3. Breath For Me

Summary: It was supposed to be a simple drug bust….but then everything had gone wrong. Terribly, terribly wrong.

Disclaimer: NCIS is the property of CBS. I do not own any of the characters. Any likeness or resemblance to people, real or factious is unintentional. Fair warning. I am a poor college student. If you sue me you'll put more into your lawyer than you'll ever get out of me.

It was a strange place, this gray world, with its shifting miasma of fog, wherein she dwelt.

There was no pain her, no anger, no hurt.

Here one seemed to simply exist.

She had no idea how long she had been here. There were no clocks. No concept of time. There was nothing. Nothing but the fog.

Stretching out her arm she opened and closed her hands experimentally, letting the mist caress her fingertips. But she felt nothing. Somehow here she was numb. Wherever here was.

She wondered, briefly, if this might be Heaven. But rejected it. If this was Heaven, it was terribly disappointing. She wasn't sure what she had expected. Angels or something. Something more than this. So this must be a place of waiting. Waiting for what…she wasn't sure.

The fog shifted to her right and she turned, narrowing her eyes, peering into the ever shifting swirls.

For a moment she thought she had seen someone there.

Instinctively she reached for her gun.

But there was no gun there. She wasn't even wearing the clothes she had been in earlier. Those had been replaced by a strange cream colored outfit that looked suspiciously like pajamas.

Of course not. There weren't any guns in Heaven. Or this place… wherever this place was.

"Hello?" she called, her voice echoing strangely. It made her jump.

"hello." A much smaller voice replied, making her jump, again.

Apparently the mist also muffled all noises, making her lose all sense of any approaching enemies. She didn't like it. It made her feel vulnerable.

Wrapping her arms around herself protectively she turned slowly towards the voice, and her eyes widened.

"Tali?" she whispered, her brows pulling down, her hands dropping to her sides.

The little girl smiled at her in her special way. In a way unique to her sister. "Ziva."

This was impossible. Talus was dead. She had seen it herself. There had been nothing left. But here her sister appeared whole…. Not just whole, but happy. She was smiling.

Her sister reached out a hand towards her, beckoning, and Ziva felt herself move forward. When they were less than a foot apart she dropped to her knees, unable to walk any farther.

A conflict of emotions passed through her. Unspeakable joy, happiness, relief. And strangely grief.

That made her pause, and she set that aside for further consideration later. Right now all that mattered was Tali.

For a moment the sisters just starred at each other. There were no words.

This couldn't be real.

Than her sister reached out again, and took her hand. Ziva jumped as her skin brushed against hers. She was very real. Without thought she moved, wrapping her arms around her sister, holding her tight.

"But how…?" She asked into her sister's hair.

She couldn't seem to hold her tight enough. She was afraid her little sister would slip away again. Leave her alone, again.

"I knew you would be here. I came for you. I've been waiting for you" Tali explained, pulling away so that she could look down at Ziva, though she didn't move completely away. Allowing Ziva to grip her arm.

"Waiting for me…but how did you know….?" Ziva had so many questions to ask, even as her mind struggled to comprehend what was right before her.

Tali just smiled at her and looked at her with strangely infinite eyes. Ziva knew then her sister didn't belong to this world, with its gray mist. She had been sent here to get her.

As if Tali could read her thoughts, her countenance changed, and began to glow. The cream colored pajamas were replaced by glorious white robes. They were so white that it hurt Ziva to look at them.

Blinded she looked away, shielding her eyes. When she looked back, they still glowed, but it didn't hurt to look at them.

"I don't understand…." She said in wonder.

"My dear sister…. I love you…. This is a place of waiting, a place of choices. I have been sent to guide you. To help you find your way home.…." Tali replied, resting a hand on her shoulder.

Ziva took that hand in both of her own and held it tight. Somehow she knew that this home her sister was referring to wasn't with her. It wasn't in this gray place. Or in the place her sister had come from. It was back in the world. Filled with pain. Filled with sorrow.

Back with DiNozzo.

"Am I dead?" Ziva wanted to know.

Tali laughed a soft musical sound that reverberated off the billowing clouds of mist. "No. You are simply waiting. You have been given a choice. It a choice only you can make….." she paused and waved her free hand over some clouds.

They cleared and a hole formed, like a window.

Curious Ziva peered through. She was looking down on a hospital room. In the chair sat DiNozzo, his chin slumped on his chest. He was snoring. His hand reached out, fingers interlaced with the person on the bed.

With a start she realized that person was her.

She frowned as she looked down on herself, so small and frail looking in the bed. Tubes and wires and machines were hooked up at every angle. Her skin was pale and drawn, her breathing, aided by a machine, was shallow. She looked horrible.

She remembered now. She had been shot.

She remembered now…his fingers reaching out and holding hers, gripping them tight.

Willing her without words to stay alive. To stay with him.

Her frown eased a bit as she thought about DiNozzo and her heart warmed.

Cold and terrible though it might be, there were some bright spots that made it all worth it.

She looked away then, looking back at her sister. Knowing in her heart, already, what she must do.

When she looked up her she saw the landscapes had changed. A straight white path, easily as bright as her sister's robes sat not five feet away. Her sister stood next to it, hands folded before her, smiling. The path led away from them, and in the distance she could see a brighter portion of clouds and what looked like gates.

Her heart leapt into her throat and she looked back and forth from the scene below to her sister.

She knew then, without having to be told, what her choice was.

Go with her sister into the glowing place, which could only be Heaven. Free from pain. Free from guilt. Free from her father. Free from everything.

Or go back. To her life as a Mossad officer, turned NCIS agent. Back to bad guys and bullets. Pain and grief.

Back to him.

Swallowing she rose from her knees, and tried to approach the decision logically. The world and NCIS would move on. The grief would hurt. But hurt fades. Or so she reasoned. Tony could move on.

Carefully she set one foot on the white path.

Instantly the scene below changed.

She froze watching it unfold. She could hear the alarms blaring. She could see the tension in the doctors faces as they worked. She could hear Tony as he wept, unashamedly and begged her not to go. He refused to let go of her hand, forcing the doctors to work around him.

"Come on Zi…. Don't you leave me…." She could hear his voice as if he stood right next to her. She could almost feel his hand intertwined with her own.

Swallowing she extended her hand slightly, looking at her fingers, flexing them slightly. Willing him to know that she was happy and in a better place. Willing him to know that in a way she wanted this. She wanted to be free from all the weight she carried.

"Ziva…don't do this to me…." His voice was choked with sobs. She could almost feel the tears on her hand and her face as he knelt next to her.

"Please Zi….. Not here, not today….not likes this…." He pleaded with her.

Strangely Ziva couldn't feel the doctors working on her she could only feel and hear him.

She looked away from the seen at her sister, who was smiling serenely.

"Is there any way I could just…." She pleaded wanting just a few minutes, at least to say goodbye.

But her sister was already shaking her head. "I'm sorry sister. There is no way to bring him here. You must choose." Tali said sadly.

Ziva gulped and looked back. Tony was openly sobbing now, on his knees next to her bed, half his body covering were their hands were interlinked.

"Please Zi…breath for me….." He pleaded, stretching himself so he could kiss her forehead, heedless of what the doctors were doing.

"Please…." He pleaded, sinking back down, getting out of their way.

She swallowed and looked back at her sister. Tali's smile had turned sad, she knew her sisters heart. "Go Ziva." She said with that Tali smile of hers.

Ziva hesitated. "But…."

"Go. We will see each other again…." Tali reassured.

Ziva's heart wrenched as she removed her foot from the path. Her desire to be with the man she had come to love, overpowering her desire to be with her sister, in peace.

Her sister began to fade.

"Wait! Tali…don't go!" Ziva cried, reaching out for her, but also afraid to leave the scene behind.

Her sister just shook her head still smiling. "I cannot stay….. And neither can you…."

"Please don't go…Tali…..I miss you…." She wept.

"I'm sorry Ziva but I can't. Go." She said the word was like a command and she felt herself jerk downwards towards the scene.

"Please Zi…breath for me…." Tony's voice pleaded. It seemed louder now. Like he was closer. But she was still in the world of fog, clinging to it desperately.

"Tali!" her sister paused a mere wraith now, she seemed far away, though Ziva was sure she hadn't moved. She looked at Ziva eyebrows raised.

"I love you." She said almost a whisper.

Tali smiled and blew her a kiss. For a moment it felt like her fingers brushed Ziva's outstretched ones.

She felt another tug downward and now she was barely hanging on to the fog world. Unwilling to relinquish her hold on the world there. Unwilling to leave her sister. She looked down the white, glowing path, were her sister was just barely visible. Then back at Tony. She could feel her body pulling at her as inexorable as if tethers were binding her to it.

"Breath for me…." Tony repeated, his voice soft, pleading tear filled.

She looked back one last time at her sister.

"Go." Tali said

With a gasp Ziva did just that.


	4. Knowing

_Summary: It was supposed to be a simple drug bust….but then everything had gone wrong. Terribly, terribly wrong. _

_Disclaimer: NCIS is the property of CBS. I do not own any of the characters. Any likeness or resemblance to people, real or factious is unintentional. Fair warning. I am a poor college student. If you sue me you'll put more into your lawyer than you'll ever get out of me. _

_Authors note: I do apologize. This is a filler chapter and I am not very skilled at filler chapters. I have endeavored to do my best, however any tips you have for me would be greatly appreciated._

Everything had been fine. She had been holding, stable.

Then the alarms had gone off, and she had flat lined. His world had effectively ended.

The next five minutes had been the worst of his life.

He had thought he had lost her. Lost his reason for living.

He had never prayed so hard in his life. He wasn't a praying man. Or really a believing man. But he had pleaded and prayed and begged with God for all he was worth.

Still he had been left to doubt.

Then just when he was sure they were going to call a time. Just when he had thought there was no way she could come back. No way could she possibly live.

She had gasped. The force of it arching her back off the bed.

The doctors had staggered back, stunned. They had been working on her, trying to get her heart to beat.

Never in their professional careers had they seen something like this.

"Doctor….she's breathing….on her own…" one of the nurses had said. The quiet, calm, professionalism of her voice not quiet able to cover her surprise.

The doctor had just stared for a long while. Unable to believe what his own eyes were telling him.

In the end they had kept the oxygen feed going for an additional thirty minutes. Just to be sure. They still insisted on keeping a low oxygen feed running, in a tube, to her nose. They were just being cautious. But they didn't need to be. She continued to breathe steadily. Evenly. On her own.

For Tony the simple motion, the steady rise and fall of her chest was the most beautiful thing he had ever seen.

Now he couldn't help but smile. Without the tubes going down her throat, she looked much better. The doctors kept her on a low feed of air. But it was better than having machine force oxygen into her lungs,

He held her hand, squeezing it tightly.

The doctors had been mad at him. They had threatened to have him removed when he had gotten in their way. They had even tried.

But Tony didn't care. Tony didn't budge. His hand never left hers as they worked to bring her back to the world of the living.

He had insisted on hanging on. As if by doing so he could anchor her to life. He had insisted on calling out. Talking to her like she was actually there, could actually hear him.

His fear had told him to let go…to stop… would be as good as letting her go. And, he wouldn't do that.

Now almost a day and half later his eyes roved her face, drinking in the color that was beginning to blossom there. He was like a dying man crying for water. He wished desperately she would just waken. He craved to look into her eyes. To hear her voice. To really truly know she was okay.

The doctors said they weren't out of the woods yet. She still had a lot to go through. A long recovery ahead.

But Tony didn't care. He would be there for her, every step of the way.

Somehow he just knew she was going to be okay. She was going to come back. She was coming home.

Reassured, he held her hand a moment longer, and then rose. He stretched working the aches and kinks from his back and grabbed his jacket before heading for the door.

In the hall Ducky, McGee, and Gibbs waited to escort him to the cafeteria.

They had come as soon as he had called him. As soon as he had told them her condition had improved.

Perhaps it was a bit optimistic, of him. But he didn't care. He strode out into the hall, whistling a tune, eager to finally get some food.

He didn't care because he knew she was coming back.

He knew she was coming home.


	5. Dangerous and unhealthy situations

_Summary: It was supposed to be a simple drug bust….but then everything had gone wrong. Terribly, terribly wrong. _

_Disclaimer: NCIS is the property of CBS. I do not own any of the characters. Any likeness or resemblance to people, real or factious is unintentional. Fair warning. I am a poor college student. If you sue me you'll put more into your lawyer than you'll ever get out of me. _

_Authors note: Please help me to become a better writer by leaving reviews. Thank you to all those who have left reviews so far! They are encouraging and very helpful!_

Awakening was harder than one might expect. It wasn't every day a girl got shot. Three time no less.

After the fog world, when she had returned to herself, she had felt so weak. The pain had been terrible. It was all she could do to flee into the darkness, and sink willingly into its painless embrace.

She had no idea how much time had passed. How long she and spent. All she knew was that that the pain was returning, muffled by drugs, which meant she was awakening.

Initially she fought the desire to return to the world. She rather liked the pain free existence unconsciousness offered. But she knew she couldn't sleep forever. She couldn't stay like this forever. She had chosen to return to this life. She wanted to live in it not spend it confined to a hospital bed.

She wanted to return to him.

So now she fought the drugs, and the desire to sleep as tenaciously as she fought any bad guy. It was difficult. One of the most difficulty things she had ever done. But she was tough and she was strong. Eventually she won.

The first thing she became aware of, as she fought past the drugs and the darkness, was his hand grasping hers.

It took all the strength she possessed but she managed to move her fingers, one at a time until her hand grasped his in return.

The effort left her exhausted and for a moment she rested, trying to gather strength.

"Ziva…." Tony's voice reached her just at the edge of darkness. Pulled her back from it. Anchored her to wakefulness.

She turned her head towards his voice and fought to open her eyes. Sleep weighed heavily on her. Drugs and blood loss had drained her of strength. Still she tried. She mustered what strength she could and fought against the exhaustion.

"Ziva….can you hear me?" he asked, his grip tightening on her hand.

She twitched a finger to let him know she could hear him.

"Zi…." His voice faded dangerously in her ears, and she had to pause in her efforts, and lay still or the blackness would claim her again. .

She felt him squeeze her hand, reassuringly, letting her know he was there, lending her strength.

"You're going to make it through Zi….. You're going to be okay…..Somalia was much worse than this…." He continued to talk to her, reassure her, and anchor her to the waking world.

Her lips twitched slightly in what would have been a smile had she had the strength for it. Somalia had been nowhere close to this. This was most definitely worse. She had not been shot in Somalia. She would have to talk to him about the appropriate definition of dangerous and unhealthy situations.

It would be an interesting conversation. Her partner did not like to be wrong.

She allowed her mind to wander down that path for a moment. She could already imagine how the conversation would go. The smile he would eventually bring, as he ultimately fell back on some movie or TV show.

The thought made her smile. But it quickly faded. Even smiling hurt.

Tony must have noticed the smile turned grimace because he renewed his efforts of taking to her. Calling her name. Telling her she would be okay, and that she was strong and that he would be there for her every step of the way. Man was nothing if not insistent.

She liked that about him. He never gave up on her. Even when she gave up on herself.

Once the pain faded she resumed her efforts, determined to open at least one eye and say at least one word, to the man who sat by her side.

Finally after what seemed like an eternity, she managed to open her right eye.

Blaring white hospital lights sent razor daggers of white hot pain through her skull and she winced, trying to raise her arm to shield her poor, abused eyes, only to find she couldn't. Her left arm was heavily bandaged and it hurt even to think about moving it. Her other arm was free, and seemed uninjured but it was connected to her hand which was occupied by Tony. Unable to use her arms she quickly turned her head away only to find herself staring at him.

His face faded in and out of focus and she could tell he was speaking to her but the jolt of returning to wakefulness had sent her ears to ringing and for a moment his voice was drowned out. She grimaced and squeezed her eyes shut, blinking them rapidly until finally her vision cleared and his face settled. He was smiling.

"Hey there Zi…..welcome back…." He said his voice strangely quiet though there was no mistaken the joy in it. It was by far the most beautiful sound she had ever heard.

She turned towards him so that she was on her side. Her arm pinned beneath her. Blearily, her mind foggy, her brain slowly registered the words she wanted to speak then sent sluggish signals to her mouth. Her mouth opened to form the words, but all that came out was a croak followed by a fit of agonizing coughing.

His free hand moved, and he held her as the coughs racked her body, sending sharp spikes of agony shooting through her ribs and side, leaving her breathless. He steadied her, murmuring comfort words, until finally the fit subsided.

She lay there for a moment, facing him, breathless, her left arm pulled tightly against her chest, and screwed her eyes shut. Waiting for the pain to pass.

Finally it did and she opened first one eye then the other, finding herself face to face with a very concerned looking Tony.

"Tony…." She managed to croak, her voice as dry as the sands of the Judean desert,

He grinned; his characteristic grins. The one she secretly loved.

"Ziva…." He replied the smile softening, becoming something special. He held her gaze, his eyes searching hers. Looking for what she wasn't sure. A lot of emotions shifted behind his eyes in those first, brief, moments. Finally he looked away.

Reaching over he grabbed something out of her limited range of vision but shortly returned with a cup.

He held it for her with one hand, placing the straw to her lips. He was even careful to make sure she was sipping and not gulping. With his other hand, temporarily freed from her grasp, he supported her head.

He would have made a good doctor. He was very gentle and caring.

It was not treatment Ziva was used to her. Had this been Mossad or anyone else it would have been much different.

But she was glad it was DiNozzo. Her partner. Her friend. Something much more. She didn't think she could have handled anything harder right now. Her weakness frightened her. Her lack of strength made her feel helpless. Vulnerable. She was especially glad that it was only Tony here to see it.

Not just for reputations sake. She didn't like appearing weak in front of anybody. But if she had to she was glad it was her partner. She felt secure around him. Safe. Like it was okay to be weak at times. Human. He made her feel sheltered, and protected, when she needed it the most. She also knew that when she was back on her feet, he wouldn't treat her like a fragile piece of glass. He would still respect her and watch her back as he had always done. He would be her partner. Her protector. Her friend. But always, secretly, something more.

Finished with her second cup of water, she refused a third, she was feeling a little more awake now.

She silently studied him as he put the cup back, and silently reached down to reclaim her hand.

He studied her with equal gravity. Searching her face, her eyes. Drinking it in.

"You know you could melt a man with those eyes of yours," he commented smiling.

Her lips twitched into a slight smile. Leave it to her partner to never take anything seriously, for long.

"Tony….why are you here?" She asked him, her voice still weak even after the water.

"Hmm?" he asked, leaning forward, closer towards her.

He smelled of Old Spice, his characteristic aftershave, She inhaled deeply, smiling. She'd grown to love that smell after many months of working close to him.

" Why….are you….here?" she repeated her thoughts cloudy. It was a struggle to think and she could feel the effects of the pain killers trickling through her veins. She couldn't help but wonder, briefly, what they had her on. Whatever it was, it was powerful stuff. She wouldn't last long against its inexorable pull.

"Because probie…it's my duty. You're my responsibility," he quipped and went off on some half serious remark that she didn't have the energy to listen to. Instead she focused on how his hand felt around hers.

His hand was strong and warm against her palm. Reassuring. Capable. They felt good. They felt…right.

"She refocused her attention on him when he fell silent looking at her strangely. His expression so solemn it frightened her a little.

"I'm here because you got shot protecting me…." He said softly, his eyes shifting as a dozen emotions swirled like fog behind them. There was pain on his face and in his voice. It was in the way his hand gripped hers tighter. So tight she had to suppress a wince.

She must not have done a good enough job because he loosened his grip, looking apologetic.

She wished he hadn't. Painful though his grip may have been she liked the feeling of it. The hidden emotions behind the gesture. The sincerity of it.

"You would do the same…" she managed the words a bit slurred as sleep started to overtake her. She fought it desperately.

"You almost died. I could have lost you. Do you realize what that would do to me…..? I can't afford to let that happen….not again…. Not to you…. Not doing something that I could have prevented if I had been doing my part…." He told her looking away. She could tell by the way the muscle jumped in his jaw that he was angry with himself.

"You did your part…." She murmured, interlacing her fingers with his and squeezing gently.

"I didn't…." he argued, looking stricken.

"You did….you always do…..you would have taken those bullets DiNozzo….. You've taken them before. "She cut him off firmly.

He was silent for a long while considering her words. While he brooded she allowed her eyes to drift shut. It was getting more and more difficult to stay awake. She opened them after a moment and found him regarding her. His expression was strange, his eyes searching.

"Why did you take those bullets Zi" He asked softly looking into her eyes, which were barely slits.

She smiled her mind producing several instant smart remarks. But she discarded them, swallowing she decided to take a leap off the proverbial cliff. Deciding a head of time that the drugs must be addling her brain.

"Because…. I love you," she murmured her eyes threatening to close. Sleep weighed heavily on the back of her mind. It pressed against her eyes making her vision blur, it would claim her shortly.

She watched as his face froze, and a dozen different things passed over his handsome features. The fog shifted in his eyes as he stared at her. She saw him swallow.

The whole moment couldn't have lasted more than a minute. But the depth of emotion conveyed in between them in that instant could have lasted a life time.

He swallowed, and then swallowed again, emotions working on his face. "You couldn't have told me this in Somalia?" he asked her weakly

There he went with Somalia again. She thought her eyes closing. She was definitely going to have to talk to him about the appropriate definition of dangerous and unhealthy situations. Not to mention matters of the heart.

She smiled slightly as sleep wrapped its arms gently around her. There would be time enough for that later.


	6. Take Care

_Summary: It was supposed to be a simple drug bust….but then everything had gone wrong. Terribly, terribly wrong. _

_Disclaimer: NCIS is the property of CBS. I do not own any of the characters. Any likeness or resemblance to people, real or factious is unintentional. Fair warning. I am a poor college student. If you sue me you'll put more into your lawyer than you'll ever get out of me. _

_Authors note: Please help me to become a better writer by leaving reviews. Thank you to all those who have left reviews so far! They are encouraging and very helpful!_

"Take care of her….DiNozzo…." The words still echoed in the back of his mind, the thinly layered threat beneath them, unmistakable.

He looked down at her sleeping form then back up at the door, through which his boss….his mentor….his father figure….had left some hours ago. It had been as good as his permission…or at least as good of permission as he thought he was going to get.

He smiled to himself and reaching down to gently swept a lock of hair from her face and tucked it behind her ear. Letting his thumb linger briefly on the high arch of her cheek. Taking care of her was something he fully intended to do.

She had woken up twice since coming too yesterday. Each time she got stronger, and stayed awake longer. Each time he thought his heart would hammer right out of his chest.

He still hadn't told her.

Hadn't said the words she had so willingly admitted.

But she didn't push him. She just smiled at him and his nervous ways whenever the conversation got close to that. He would attempt to deter it away, quoting a movie, or a song, or making fun of McGee.

He knew he was just scared. Scared of being hurt again.

He also knew that she knew that, so she never pushed him. Never asked him to go further. She simply waited, smiling that knowing Ziva smile of hers.

She also never repeated the words. It was his turn to do the telling and she would wait as long as was needful.

He respected that about her. She never asked him to do what was uncomfortable, before he was ready. At least not in the matters of the heart.

Though his silence confused her, she didn't push. She exercised rare patience and waited. Waited until he was ready.

Taking care of him even as he was supposed to be taking care of her.

He sighed and stood to pace the room. She would be released soon and he would have to go back to work. It would be easy to forget those words she had said. To pretnd like they didn't happen.

But he knew he couldn't. Not now. Not when she had taken the first step. Not when he held her heart in his hands. Not when he wanted to take care of her.

A smile touched his lips as he stood with his back facing her. He could feel her eyes on him, watching.

She must have woken up when he moved.

Slowly he turned back around his eyes finding hers in the darkness.

He smiled at her gently as he approached her side, reaching out and taking her hand.

"You are as quiet as moose when you walk…." She said softly.

"Mouse…..Quiet as a mouse…." He corrected still holding her hand. Gently he raised it to his lips, brushing a kiss over the surface. His eyes looking into hers the whole time.

She blushed, barely visible in the dim lamplight, but smiled none the less. He grinned. Taking care of her could be fun.

Unlike some of the other woman he had dated, who were immune to his charming ways, she was not. At least not entirely.

Their gazes held for a moment until finally she looked away, her blush growing slightly.

Since when did Ziva blush?

He kind of liked it. It was a good color on her. His smile grew and turned mischievous. But he decided to be nice….for now…and set her hand back down, though he didn't release it.

He knelt down next to her, sitting back on her heels, and gently reached out with his free hand to stroke her hair.

She jumped, her whole body tense, but didn't protest, turning her eyes towards him again.

Gently he cupped her cheek, and smiled at her again, softly. Prurely. Wholly. Not his traditional DiNozzo smirk.

His eyes drank in her face as he shifted his postion moving closer to her. She was, he decided , a very beautiful woman. Though a part of him had always known that. For a moment he admired the way light made her skin glow. The way she trusted him, even though every muscle in her body was tense. Her gaze uncertain as it roamed his features.

He realized then that this was something entirely new to her. She had never had anyone who really cared for her. Who really loved her for what she was and who she was. The people she had loved had used her and betrayed her in horrible ways. The people she had dared to love before….. So she protected her heart carefully. Guarded it fiercely. Itw as not something she would just give willingly, unless she was sure.

A lump formed in his throat when he realized what a jump that had been for her to say those words. A step into her discomfort zone. A leap of faith.

She had offered him her greatest treasure, more prized than her collection of guns and knives, and more fiercely protected.

He held it in his hands now, and he still hadn't told her.

He swallowed past the sudden lump in his throat and made a vow within himself that as he would never abuse that trust she had shown him. That he would never bruise her heart. She would not walk away from this broken. As she had so many times before.

He was going to change that. He was going to take care of her.

He leaned in slowly, his eyes never leaving hers, hesitating briefly, looking into her eyes, searching for a warning there.

Then he brushed his lips against hers tentatively. He pulled away, letting them linger, a silent unspoken question.

Her breath caught, but she didn't say anything. She didn't pull away, or punch him. She trusted him. Trusted him to take care of her.

He pressed his lips against hers once more and he kissed her. Gently, and tenderly. The kiss was perfection. A little piece of heaven caught in the briefest of moments.

Then tension eased from her as they lingered for a moment longer, before pulling away.

He kissed her forehead and leaned down so that his forehead pressed against hers. His eyes found hers, staring into the depths of them. Seeing the trust and the hidden vulnerability there.

Now was the time. It was now or never.

"I love you Ziva David…." He said his voice a low whisper. He was giving her his heart just as much as she had given him hers. Trusting her just as she had trusted him.

Her breath caught, and she peered up at him for a long, painful, silent moment.

Then she kissed him and it was heaven again.

Their respective hearts were fragile. Each had been hurt in their own ways. Trusting each other with their most valued possession. Letting them hold it and take it into their hands. They were healing each other slowly. They couldn't have trusted anyone better.

They would take care of each other.


	7. Akshav Tamid Tamiyd

_Summary: It was supposed to be a simple drug bust….but then everything had gone wrong. Terribly, terribly wrong._

_Disclaimer: NCIS is the property of CBS. I do not own any of the characters. Any likeness or resemblance to people, real or factious is unintentional. Fair warning. I am a poor college student. If you sue me you'll put more into your lawyer than you'll ever get out of me._

_Authors note: Please help me to become a better writer by leaving reviews. Thank you to all those who have left reviews so far! They are encouraging and very helpful!_

_Also the Hebrew is as accurate as a basic web search can make it so I do apologize if it is incorrect or spelled incorrectly. _

Time had a funny way of getting away from her. It had a funny way of flying by.

She waited patiently for Tony to come around and open her door for her. She hadn't known he could be so chivalrous. But it was something he insisted one.

He pulled open the door and she graciously accepted his arm letting him steady her as she stood.

She had taken a bullet through her leg during the fire fight in the warehouse. That had been six months ago. She had just finished up a long and intensive period of physical therapy and was still a little wobbly on her feet.

He waited smiling at her until she was ready. Until she was sure. Then together, arm in arm they made their way into the restaurant. Tony wanted to celebrate her full return to duty. She had been on desk duty during the course of her physical therapy.

The boredom and repetition had nearly driven her crazy. On the upside she had learned to have a lot of patience. Which was a good thing since Tony and she had started dating. The man required a certain amount of patience.

"You look beautiful by the way…. Have I told you how much I love that dress…?" he remarked holding the door for her.

She brushed passed him, rolling her eyes at him.

He had insisted she look ravishing for tonight's dinner. Something about an upscale place and fine dining.

She had to admit she was impressed. She would have been just as happy with a homemade dinner and candle light. But this was good too.

So she had bought a dress, a simple black affair. Surprisingly flouncy, yet simple. Affordable on her government stipend. Abby had done her hair.

The forensic evidence tech knew something, but no amount of Mossad training, threatening looks, or bribery had been able to pull that something out of her.

She had simply smiled her I-know-something-you-don't smile and refused to say a word.

Hair swept up in an elegant bun, a few strands left out to curl around her face, light make up. Ziva had to admit she felt and looked like a girl. It made the Mossad agent in her squirm. But she suppressed that firmly. Tony had gone to a lot of trouble for this, and she it would not kill her to be a little girly for one night. Besides, secretly deep down inside, she rather enjoyed it.

She smiled as Tony pulled out her chair and sat, adjusting her dress carefully.

It was a very nice restaurant. All oak panels and dim lighting. Discrete servers dressed in black moved from table to table on silent feet, carrying wine and menus. Soft piano music drifted from a large grand in the corner. It was all in all very tasteful.

Her eyes roamed the room for a bit, taking it in, habitually establishing quick exits and escape routes. Marking the waiter's movements and timing. Old habits died hard, she supposed.

When she looked over, she found Tony staring at her, a strange emotion glinting in his eyes.

"What are you staring at?" she asked him, a little put off.

He blinked and seemed to come out of his thoughts, straightening a little, and fiddling with his napkin, before looking back at her. Then he smiled a little, his DiNozzo charm, showing. "Just admiring the way the light plays in your hair and off the…necklace at your throat…" he remarked, his manner very suave.

She smiled a little playing with her Star of David necklace before interlacing her fingers before her. "You look very handsome yourself, Tony…" she remarked truthfully. He had bought a tuxedo for their dinner. Its color and cut fit him perfectly the dark color bringing out his eyes. He had even done his hair. He looked all in all very put together. Charming.

He pursed his lips and laughed a little, rocking back in his chair. He seemed a little nervous.

She narrowed her eyes at him trying to determine what he was up to. The man could be hard to read when he wanted to be.

"Now your staring Zee-vah…" he said with a grin.

She blushed a little and looked away. Clearing her throat.

Thankfully at that moment the waiter came with menus and wine.

They ordered and the waiter poured them wine. As he was leaving Ziva saw him raise an eyebrow at Tony. Tony without looking at him nodded. The man smiled slightly, then catching her glare hurried away.

"All right Tony…what's all this about…" She demanded a little annoyed.

He looked at her innocently. "What…? We're old friends…played basketball together in college…" He replied, his manner coy.

She didn't believe him for a second. She frowned, her eyes narrowing once more. She picked up her knife testing its edge experimentally. It was surprisingly sharp for a table knife. She then fixed him with her best and most scary Mossad glare.

He just smiled and leaned away, rocking back in his chair. He seemed unfazed by her glare or the knife.

He was either very bold or very stupid.

She arched an eyebrow at him. Fine. If he wanted to play games, she would play along for the time being. Though she fully intentioned to make him pay for it later.

The waiter came back with more wine, smiling pleasantly.

She tried her scary Mossad look on him and got a much better response.

He blinked; sweat appearing on his face as he bent to poor her wine, backing up hurriedly when she began to play with her knife.

He turned and as he was turning ran full into Tony who was getting up for something.

It was a subtle trick but Ziva saw something change hands. Though she couldn't tell what.

"Tony…." She warned as he approached and held out a hand to her. He just smirked slightly.

He was taunting her.

She pursed her lips, eying him irritably. She hated surprises. And he knew it.

The waiter had disappeared. Convenient of him. If he had been closer she may have actually used the knife. But only to scare him.

Seeing no way out of it she grudgingly accepted his hand and he whisked her out to the dance floor.

He was very charming as he spun her around, making small talk as they waltzed.

She smirked slightly as she danced…. So he wanted to waltz did he, well she would show him. She nodded to the pianist and the music switched tempos.

Smoothly she changed her footwork, changing the dance from something smooth and graceful to forceful and aggressive. In the Mossad some called it the assassins tango. It was nothing less than a deadly battle of wills.

Tony stumbled slightly but quickly regained his feet looking surprised by the turn of events, and then he smiled and stepped in just as forceful as she was.

She hadn't been expecting that. But she refused to retreat.

It was deadly dance they engaged in. Both giving. Both taking. This was the assassins tango.

The music built in pace and suddenly she found herself in Tony's arms, as he swept her backwards into a deep dip and the music reached a crescendo.

Breathless she tried to figure out how he had gained the upper hand yet again, especially at a game she was so well versed in. But all's she could see was his eyes looking into hers.

Gradually he lifted her up, his eyes never leaving hers. "You are a surprisingly good dancer Zi…." He whispered breathing heavily as he pressed his forehead against hers.

She chuckled, smiling in spite of herself. "Well…Tony…I had a good teacher…." She replied pride hinting in her voice.

He smiled, and chuckled and brushed her lips with a kiss. "I love you…." He whispered pressing his forehead against hers, looking into her eyes. The shift in his tone and in the moods was so sudden it surprised her.

"I love you to Tony…you know this…." She said her brow drawing down slightly in confusion.

"Marry me?" His question was so abrupt that she wasn't sure she had heard right.

"What?" She replied taking her head away from his so she could better look into his eyes.

For a long moment her partner just starred at her, his eyes searching her face and her eyes in a way that made her nervous. Then he got down on one knee looking up at her, her hand clasped between his. He was speaking but she wasn't hearing.

Her heart was racing and blood pounded in her ears loudly. She tried to focus on what he was saying but her head was spinning. Her thoughts and emotions in a confusing jumble. Each arguing for her attention. This wasn't happening. This couldn't be happening. But it was, it was happening.

Desperately she tried to reign in her emotions, trying every technique she knew, but none of it was working.

Then she realized he was no longer speaking. He was looking at her expectantly. Waiting for her answer.

As was everyone else in the room. She was somehow aware of their eyes on her though she couldn't seem to take her eyes off him.

Unconsciously her free hand drifted up to the hollow of her throat. Her fingers brushing the small Star of David nestled there. Somehow touching it steadied her and gave her the focus and control she needed.

"Repeat it…." She said her voice a small, dry, whisper.

"What?" he asked just as softly, brushing the top of her hand with his lips.

"Please…." The word was soft and pleading.

His eyes locked on hers refusing to look away. Somehow he knew exactly what she needed.

"Ziva David….. I've made a lot of mistakes in my life…. I'm not a perfect man…. One of those mistakes was letting you get shot all those months ago. …" he began.

She started to open her mouth to protest that she would do it again. But he squeezed her hand and pressed on.

"I've never felt so lost in my life as when I thought I had lost you. …when I was helpless and couldn't hold on to you…protect you…keep you safe…. I never want to feel that way again… I never want to lose someone I love again….. I know your heart is fragile…. We both are in our both ways…but I promise Ziva to cherish you as you should be cherished. To take care of you and protect you not only as your partner, and friend but as your husband…. I promise your fragile heart won't be broken….Ziva will you marry me…." He repeated the words his voice strangely deep, sincerity in every word.

Something shifted in her heart and she was flooded with sudden joy. So great was it that she couldn't contain it. She felt herself nodding even as she wiped the tears away. Yes she would marry him. Yes she would give him her heart and she would let him in where she had never let someone before.

He smiled his sincere Tony smile at her and took a box out of his pocket. Gently he slid the ring onto her finger. It was a simple affair, just a plain silver band and nothing more. To her it was beautiful. It was perfect. A perfect symbol of their love.

He kissed her hand rose staring deeply into her eyes. "You're beautiful," he whispered.

She couldn't help it she was so overwhelmed with so many different things that she threw her arms around him and kissed him.

He didn't protest, holding her close.

Finally she pulled away and rested her forehead against his, still held tight in his embrace while he whispered sweet nothings into her ear.

Gradually she realized people were cheering and clapping. She pulled away from him grudgingly, and turned.

The waiter had returned offering glasses of wine to her and DiNozzo. She accepted it gladly, smiling a little shyly at their audience.

She scanned their faces, memorizing them and was surprised to see a few familiar faces mingled with the crowd. Cleverly done up so that she hadn't recognized them at first, but they were there none the less. She saw McGee holding tight to Abby. There was Ducky and Palmer standing side by side looking like a father and son. To a tee their expressions were joyous for her and for Tony. Finally tucked into the back was Gibbs. He gave her a fatherly smile, raising his wine glass, slightly.

She raised her glass in return, her smile growing. Leave it to Gibbs to communicate a dozen things in one simple motion.

She turned back to Tony who was beaming proudly, and gave him another gentle kiss which sent her team…her family…to cheering and renewed clapping.

She smiled and rested her palms against Tony's chest for a moment her head resting lightly over his heart, content just to be there for just a moment. Finally she couldn't take the attention any longer and looked up at him pleadingly, a smile teasing her lips.

He smiled at her kissing her forehead briefly before raising his wine glass towards the team, and whisking her away to their table. Somehow he knew. He always knew.

Their meal arrived shortly thereafter but they enjoyed very little of it privately as the members of their family came up gradually. In teams or individually to wish them well and chat. They talked about the proposal and asked to see the ring. Generally making a nuisance of themselves.

Last to come was Gibbs; he approached them as they were just finishing the last of desert a small smile playing over his otherwise serious features.

"You two…. "He looked away, shaking his head, his smile growing. Then he took their interlaced hands between his and patted them, gently.

"Don't you let each other go. You hear me? "He said looking at them each respectively until both had smiled and nodded.

They had no intention of doing so.

"Good... and keep the mushy stuff out of my bull pen okay…." He said with a smirk.

They just looked at each other and smiled as only people in love could do.

He rolled his eyes, pulling Ziva's hand free so he could kiss it gently, before returning it to DiNozzo. Then he left the two in peace and they were finally blissfully alone.

It was a long moment before either of them spoke and when they did it was Ziva who spoke first.

" Akhshav. Tamid. Tamiyd" She spoke each word softly, the Hebrew falling of her tongue effortlessly.

It was probably the most beautiful thing he ha ever heard. Though he had no idea what it meant he knew it had to have meaning by the special look she was giving him. It was a look of heartfelt, deep rooted love.

He smiled slightly, leaning back in his chair, admiring the woman he loved, and wished, not for the first time, that he knew some foreign language so that he could say something romantic in return. Or at least that he could understand Hebrew. "What does that mean?" he asked finally.

She smiled softly at him thinking how handsome he was in the dim lighting. She repeated the words in her mind thinking of what each one meant, thinking of what they would mean to him.

Her grandparents had said the same words to each other always, at the end of each night, and they had enjoyed many years of happy contentment together. She had written those words on her heart and held them close, sharing them with no one until now. She had wanted to be sure. But now she was sure. She had never been surer of anything, then this.

He squeezed her hand, his thumb rubbing gentle circles across its back. His gaze was so trusting. So real. This was more than just Tony her annoying coworker, or DiNozzo her partner. This was Anthony DiNozzo the man she had fallen in love with and with whom she had finally trusted her heart.

"My grandparents said those words to each other every night before they went to bed…." She told him, smiling slightly and looking, reliving the memory.

When she returned her gaze to his she found him open. Waiting. His gaze expectant.

"Akhshav. Tamid. Tamiyd …..Now. Forever. Always. That's how long I will love you Tony. Now, forever and always…." She said quietly.

He drew a deep breath a smile playing at his lips. "Now. Forever. Always... Akhshav. Tamid. Tamiyd." He repeated butchering the Hebrew. But she didn't correct him. She had plenty of time to teach him the correct pronunciation later.

"I like it," he said looking up, meeting her eyes, his eyes sincere. She couldn't help but smile. He had that effect on her.

He stood, bringing her up with him, and led her to the door. Knowing full well that they were about to step into an uncertain but wonderfully bright future together.

"Akshav. Tamid. Tamiyd." He repeated drawing her close and kissing her as he opened her door.

She smiled "Akshav. Tamid. Tamiyd." She murmured her lips brushing his once more, before ducking into the car.

He closed the door and got in next to her. His hand finding hers. Fingers interlacing like they were meant to be.

They drove off then, into the future. It was unknown. It was uncertain. And it was wonderful. Because they were doing it together, more than partners. More than friends.

Akshav. Tamid. Tamiyd.

Now. Forever. Always.

The future awaited and they would take it on….together.

-FIN-


End file.
